My non-successes of 2018, and the lessons I learned (I hope)

Photo by Luke Porter on Unsplash

This year has been eventful that is for sure, and as these things go, not everything works out as planned. Although I am disappointed in myself on not achieving the exercise and the weight-loss goals I set for myself, it has not been without some success on both counts.

I did exercise more than what I have done in recent years, but my goal remains to have my GP tell me that my blood pressure medication is no longer required. There has been a significant improvement already, but I am still expected to take the meds. Continuous improvement is now the target for 2019.

Losing weight was not one of my primary goals, but I still had some lost kilos in mind. Again that didn't happen as planned, and that too will be on the continuous improvement path for 2019.

So what did I learn from these two non-successes?

I wish I could tell you that I found the answer and it will be an easy path from now on. I can, however, not say that. Being overweight (health is my first concern, not how much I weigh) is a difficult thing to manage when some factors are working against me. These factors are not outside of my control, so the lack of goal achievement cannot be blamed on anyone except yours truly.

So here is what I learned:

1. Having a work environment that is not good for one's mental well-being is not conducive for other aspects of one's wellbeing either. It took me a while to realise this, and mostly because the effects were more subconscious than I thought. This is mostly a problem that manifests itself in my eating habits, and not good habits either!

2. Not all exercise is right for you. For many months I religiously followed a program with a personal training company, but eventually, I stopped going. I have a back problem and living with more pain with the exercise sessions than without it, made no sense to me. Yes, exercise is good for me, and there were some benefits, but I don't like living with pain if I can avoid it.

What I am doing for my new plan of continuous improvement on these aspects:

1. I have resigned from the job in that unhealthy environment and decided to go back to self-employment. It is hard work, I know, but even now I am, and as a result, my mental wellbeing is already improving. This week I am stuck at home because we are having work done at our house, and I find the constraint on my ability to come and go as I please frustrating. The frustration is temporary, and even with the limitation on my movements, I find that I can still do more and be more creative than what I have been in months. I think it is too soon to say what effect it will have on my eating habits, but now I am more hopeful that things are working better already.

2. It is the time of year that makes changes difficult because Francois will also be home and we have family obligations that make my decisions on how I want to spend my time more challenging. I am working on finding a way to incorporate exercise into my daily routine that will not put so much strain on my back. Tai chi does the trick for my back problem, so now I need to get the routine going once more...after the holidays I think it would present a better chance for success. But I am not waiting until then, but it will remain a struggle until the New Year.

The next year will bring its own challenges for me, but I have faith that these will be stimulating, exciting, and above all things that will work toward my primary goal in life: become the best version of me.

So now all that remains, before I sign off for 2018, is to wish you an indescribably blessed and peaceful Christmas, and a New Year filled with fulfilled dreams, and immeasurable successes.

Until 2019, be kind to yourself!

😄 Lizette

Revealing a few rabbits: my goals, my life, my future

Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash

This is not the end of the road, only the end of the year. Well, almost. Unlike the other posts about Life Balance, this one is more personal. I am going to tell you about my goals, and my life balance. So far. It is a journey after all, and a road that winds through the sands of time as we each make our way to our final destinations, whatever that may be for you and me.

So let me open the hat and shake out some of my rabbits:

1. I am just a few thousand words short of my word count target for this year, and will in all probability achieve that before Christmas arrives.

2. I have published two books this year, and if all goes to plan, number 23 will be available right about the end of January 2019.

3. I handed in my notice this past week, and will from now be self-employed once more. I won't say I am not nervous, but I have faith that this new road is the one for me and my professional life from now on.

4. Only a few days ago I celebrated my 50th birthday. To many of you, it might sound like a lifetime, and for many others like I was only born yesterday. Whichever way your thoughts may go, I am grateful for all the things I have achieved, all the people I have met, and for all the mercy God has bestowed upon me in this life. No, it is not over, and I don't for one moment plan to slow down (only change direction), but I have learned that a few minutes of reflection every day brings clarity and focus on the important things in this life.

5. The last point on my list today, concerns my husband of nearly 25 years. A journey like mine could have happened without him, but it would not have been so memorable, and joyful without a supportive spouse. Thank you for the wonderful birthday surprise weekend (he managed to plot with friends and family and keep it quiet for six months!) and all the lovely gifts that you showered me with this year. But it is our life together - past, present and whatever the future may hold - that is the reason that I love you.

Francois and I at my birthday breakfast - with friends
(photo by Phenice Rothman)

My list is not complete and nor it is all love and roses, but for now, I wish to celebrate the positives of this year. Next week, I will talk about the things that did not go right, and how I can work to turn those around from the lessons I have learned.

If your list is also like mine, good and not so good, then now is the time to reflect on the lessons we have learned. It will also be an excellent time to contemplate taking the lessons from the goals achieved and using those to apply to the not-achieved goals of the past year.

And when you make that list and assess those goals to achieve balance in your life, do give some thought to things that you put effort into (whether you failed or succeeded) on whether they were indeed the things you should have chased this past year.

Until our next visit, be kind to yourself.

💜 Lizette

5 Steps to Start Balancing your Life

Source: Wang Xi on Unsplash

It is easy to make a list of all the aspects of our lives that require our attention, but it is far from easy to make it happen. I would say it is one of the most challenging things to do. It requires a change in thinking, and not necessarily in the way you would plan your life. Balancing all seven aspects is impossible, but it doesn't mean that you need to. Some aspects of your life may already be satisfactory, and in those, you can carry on as usual. What about the rest?

There is no one recipe (I wish there were, then it would not be so challenging!) that works for everyone, but there is a process that you can use to figure out your way.

So let's get right to it then.

Step 1

Make a list of all seven aspects (for a reminder click here) of your life, and then give yourself some time to reflect on each of these aspects. Don't rush through the list because at first glance you will only remember the last few days and then your assessment will not be an accurate reflection of that aspect.

You can choose your own scoring system, but a simple 1 for very bad, 2 not so bad, 3 passable, 4 more than okay, and 5 for satisfactory/happy, will do the trick.

Step 2

You need to figure out first which areas of your life you are satisfied with. Remember we cannot be happy all the time with everything in our lives, so your assessment needs to be from an overall perspective. If you are healthy and taking care of your physical wellbeing (for example) on a regular basis, then you might feel that this aspect is working for you and you can list it as satisfactory.

Step 3

The positive aspects are always easy to identify, but it is those 'not so okay' items on the list that you truly need to work through in some detail. What about those aspects are not working for you? Where do you need to work on yourself to improve that aspect? Where do you need to work with a child/spouse/partner/friend to make a change for the better?

Relationships, especially need a good hard look. Remember, you cannot change anyone except yourself. You cannot make choices for other people, but you can choose to change something in your situation.

Step 4

If you need professional help with some aspect, get help. It is your life, and hoping that something is going to change without doing something about it, is an ostrich with its head in the sand approach. Nothing will change unless you take decisive action to make it change.

Don't wait. Delaying to get help, will invariably make it worse. Do it today!

Step 5

If nothing specifically stands out as an immediate need for professional intervention, then it is time to prioritise. You only have so much time. You only have so much time on this earth, in this life, to do the things that you need to do to live a fulfilled and happy life.

At this point, it is time to know your core values. These values will help you to prioritise.

Take this week, take two weeks, but spend enough time to work through the seven aspects (here is a reminder of them again in case you need it) so that you can see where your life is in and out of balance. You cannot take the next step forward if you don't know where you stand.

I will be taking a break in November because of NaNoWriMo, but the next post will be in December where we will take that first step together to assist you in bringing your own life closer the balance to leave you happy and fulfilled.

Until then, spend some time to reflect on your life, it is your only one after all.

💜 Lizette

Balance Your Life...

Welcome to the Seven Areas of Your Life - some areas may need a little more attention than any other area. Click the caption under the picture to take you to the post to find out more.

Relationships 

Career

Physical Wellbeing

Everyday Responsibilities

Financial Wellness

Mental Wellbeing

Giving Back

The list looks overwhelming, doesn't it? Next week we will take a look at how you can figure out where to start.

Until then!

💜Lizette

How to figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life: Part 7 - Giving back

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Welcome to the last item on our list of life areas: giving back. Now I know you know what that is, so I am not going to be all over you on how what, or when you have to do this. Let's have a quick look at why. Why do we give back? The reasons are endless, but they are also different for everyone.

Do you care about the environment? Then that is the way for you to give back.

Love kids? Why not get involved in activities with children that do not have a home.

Love animals? If you are like me and have a whole bunch of pets (three German Shepherds in my case), then you could volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue centre.

If you are close to retirement, or even after you have left a formal career behind, you might take up the mentor mantle for the next generation of people in your field.

The Life Coach Comic Strip (Giving Back)

All of these options and they are not the only ones out there, provide us with a legacy. Something we can leave behind when we leave this life. It is an option to allow us to get involved in something bigger than ourselves. So lastly, it is something that can make us happy and fulfilled.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(time to choose)

You don't have to wait until you retire to get involved. Look around you. Find an organisation or charity in your area that needs your help and your time. Few of us get to leave a legacy behind in our careers. If you are such a person, then wow, good on you. If you are like me, just an average person living a life to be the best version of yourself, then giving back is the ideal opportunity to create a legacy for the future.

Be that person, create your legacy today!

Next week will be a summary of the seven life areas we dealt with so far. Until then, think beyond your current existence: leave a fantastic legacy behind!

🐹🐧🦅🐬🍃🌊 Lizette

How to figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life: Part 6 - Mental Wellbeing

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Few people make time to look after themselves. We are not talking about going to the gym or relaxing with a book and a cup of coffee or tea. Although physical exercise is good for you, as is reading, looking after your mental wellbeing is not a brainless exercise at all. Looking after our mental wellbeing requires active participation in the activity of being alone.

Social media, and always checking our phones for messages or email, leaves us with no active reflection on who we are, and who we are becoming. If ever these concerns cross our minds. No, this time of personal reflection needs to be conducted beyond the mindlessness of electronic devices and the constant sucking at the milk of mother internet.

People run through their lives, and often the faster, the better. The monster chasing them are the fears of their own minds. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of non-acceptance. Fear of fear. Fear. Because running away will make it go away, right? Sadly the answer is no, running away, chasing after endless pleasures, mindless things, or even more money is not going to help you at all. Because the fear is you.

A hero is not someone who overcomes fear. A hero is someone who faces fear, despite their limitations. The fear of finding ourselves, and facing ourselves, to become the person you really can be, takes courage. Real gut-wrenching, acid-churning, heart-pounding courage, in spite of the fear that eats away at your insides.

The Life Coach - Mental Wellbeing

Facing yourself, finding yourself, and becoming the best version of you, requires a commitment of quiet time. Daily will be best, but if it is not possible, book time for yourself once a week. Close the door if you have to. Go away somewhere if you can't.

Reflect on who you are today. This is not about what you have achieved in your career, or relationships, or academic accomplishments. This quiet time is to figure out who you are deep down, in that deepest place where you have locked away all those fears.

Find out where do you need to work on yourself - to be a better human being. To care more. To be present when someone talks to you. To be silent when you feel overwhelmed. To be mindful of the way you are rocketing through life with little regard (if any) to what you need to be a happy and contented human being. Do you know what will make you happy? Have you thought about the things you do (and think about) that are poisoning your mind? Negative thoughts. Thoughts and actions that cut you down before you have even started. Sound familiar? The frightening part is that everyone lives with these thoughts. Everyone is a victim of the society where perfection is the only acceptable standard, however fake or wrong these so-called perfect people are. Nobody is perfect. And it is insane to expect that perfection of yourself. It causes stress and distracts you from finding your own path.

Open your calendar and book time for yourself this week. Take a pen and a notebook (stay away from that smartphone or computer, they will only become excuses not to do this) and write down who you are right now. Write down who you want to be. Take note of all the negative things you tell yourself and note the impact those thoughts have on your wellbeing.

The Life Coach - Time to make a choice

Decide then and there to stop and choose a path that will help you to be a happier and more content person. If you cannot do that on your own, talk to someone who can guide you. Pick a friend, or find a life coach, whom you know can be that guide.

Remember, that person is only a guide; you have to take responsibility for the life that you want to become the best version of you.

Take the time to care of yourself this week, and I will see you again for the last part of this series where we will deal with giving back to others.

Until then!

😀 Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 4: Everyday responsibilities

Life Coach Comic Strip

I hate ironing. Even saying those words cannot explain how deeply I despise the chore. And yet, I do it because I have to. Does that sound familiar? I am sure you also have something that you would rather avoid, and you still do it, don't you?

Our lives are lived within a 24-hour window, and into that we have to cram working, studying, cooking, making lunch boxes, exercising, socialising with friends, looking after the kids and the pets, looking after ourselves, bathing, sleeping, and all those tasks that will never end: our chores. If ever there was a reason to give in, it is the list of chores. Even if you take care of them today, they will be there again tomorrow. If not tomorrow then the day after.

Even now, I can feel the dirty dishes piling up in the sink although I washed up a mere two hours ago. Why is that? Did someone somewhere anger the chore police and now the rest of humanity has to pay the price for it, forever more?

Life Coach Comic Strip
(everyday responsibilities)

Jokes aside, it is these daily or weekly tasks that define the way we see life. I am of the opinion that these chores are a direct way to test our attitude towards work and life. There is no gratitude, no rewards, only effort and discipline. And yet when it is done (however temporary the result), there is some measure of satisfaction too. At least for me, there is, especially when it comes to ironing. Then again, when muddy doggy paws soil the just washed kitchen floor, the satisfaction evaporates pretty fast, let me tell you.

Since I dislike ironing so much, I am incredibly focused on getting it done. I have timed myself and know exactly how long it will take me to do it. Again, a lot of effort and focus to do something that I will have to do again, and again, and again. No other chore and there are more of them that I don't like, has ever made me time myself while doing it.

Life Coach Comic Strip
(making a choice)

These tasks define the environment in which we live, don't they? A clean home, personal and environmental hygiene, own wellbeing, taking care of our loved ones and making sure we live healthy as far as possible. When I think about it, this is the bottom line of the continued effort and attitude we have towards these never-ending tasks, a better and more healthy way of living. A new mindset perhaps, but that still doesn't mean that I have to start liking ironing now.

It does mean that I will continue to get it done, and as fast and efficiently as I can manage it.

Next week we will look at the one thing that has become a sore point for everyone in modern times: money.

Until then, chin up, those chores are not going to get done by themselves.

🙋‍♀️ Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Life Balance - Part 3: Physical Wellbeing

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Taking care of our bodies is sometimes the hardest thing to do, purely because of all the temptations that surround us, and the busy lives we lead.

This morning when I woke up, I felt like a zombie. My mind felt foggy and my muscles overly tired. At first, I thought my blood pressure was high (since the foggy mind reminded me of a few occasions where that had been the case) but the tired muscles made no sense, so I ascribed it to a restless night or something. I don't need much sleep, but I went to bed at my usual time so that argument holds no water either.

When I eventually got around to taking my blood pressure, the results were nowhere near 'high'. It wasn't exactly normal, but it was much lower than I what I expected it to be given the way I felt. Then I remembered.

Yesterday, I ate too many of the wrong things for someone who has a blood sugar problem. Then everything made sense. The foggy brain, the lethargy in my muscles, even sleeping longer than what is normal for me. Being terrible to my body caused my blood sugar to drop very low overnight, and my body had to work very hard to extract enough energy from my muscles (the quickest way) to fuel my brain, the organ in the body that requires the most energy to function. By not being mindful of the things I ate yesterday, I had been abusive towards my own body instead of taking care of it.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Physical Wellbeing)

It took several hours after waking up until I felt normal again. A lesson I would do well not to forget.

My case may sound a little extreme to you, but I should know better since this is a condition I have been living with for years.

It also reminded me of a conversation I had with someone at work not too long ago. The woman mentioned eating too many takeaways in recent days, and she was starting to feel the effects of it. While she knew fast food is not good for her (her words), a hectic life caused her to neglect her health.

Moreover, she is not the only one. As my story above told you that even with a medical condition, I sometimes slip up. How easy it is these days to quickly pop in for a takeaway meal on the way home. How easy it is to skip going to the gym today because we are too tired from work, or too busy with something else to find the time. And before you know it, weeks have gone by before you realise what you have or not have done to yourself.

When you are young, catching up is easy. Reversing (to some extent) the damage you do to your body with a bad diet, and terrible drinking habits can be managed by making more healthy decisions going forward.

However, when you are not so young anymore (like I am) things are not so easy or quick to undo. Recovering from one day of bad eating will take another day or so only because my body needs more time to heal.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Time to Choose)

If you are living a life filled with bad habits, now might be a good time to reconsider the alcohol binges, eating fast food five times a week, and staring at the television as a means to exercise.

Our bodies can take a lot of punishment, but growing older all those bad habits do start to catch up with you and just when you need to be more healthy. Taking care of our bodies should not be just a fashion thing or something we do to impress others. We only have one body, and not taking care of it properly during our lifetime, will reduce our life expectancy and just as the statistics say that we should be living longer.

Next time we will look at our everyday stuff and how that can influence the way we live our lives.

Until then, look after your body because you need it for the rest of your life.

🏋️‍♀️🏌🏽‍♀️🧗🏻‍♀️Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life - Part 2: Education and Career

The Life Coach Comic Strip

When was the last time you sat down and figured out if you still liked what you do for a living? Nobody has the perfect job, and no one works for the perfect boss in the perfect company, and yet we stay stuck in jobs we don't like. Yes, we whine about our bosses and the company politics, and this guy's attitude or that woman's incompetence, but what about our own situation?

It is deceptively easy to complain about the things around us. When you sit down and reflect on the work you spent years studying for, or several courses to stay ahead of the game, you know you are not happy. Yet, you stay there doing the same thing day after day.

Here are a few questions that you need to (honestly) answer for yourself:

1. How satisfied are you with your career achievements?

2. Does your career stimulate you and help to help you develop as a person?

3. How satisfied are you with your relationships at work?

4. Is your working life in balance with the rest of your life?

5. Do you want to change your career, your employer, or both?

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Education and Career)

These questions are but a few of the things you need to consider, but if your answers to these five do not leave you with a positive feeling, then it might be time to reconsider your professional journey.

I live in a country where people go to university (or other educational institution), get their qualifications and then do that exact same kind of work for the rest of their lives. The only exception would be if they get promoted into management positions, and often because they don't see any other advancement options available to them.

Very few new managers ask for training, mentoring or coaching to help them get into this career, and even fewer of them leave the company to do what they rather want to do somewhere else. Or change careers altogether. It may be the way we are raised in this country, or perhaps people instead want financial security instead of living a life of contentment and satisfaction.

From personal experience, these two (security and happiness) are not exclusive. I have changed careers over the years and continue to learn and educate myself for new (and different) opportunities in the future.

Fear and uncertainty are huge motivators for people not to change because rather the devil you know that the one you don't know, right? However, is this way of thinking really what you need? Change is only a problem for people who are satisfied in their comfort zones, however uncomfortable that situation might be. It is only when the discomfort becomes unbearable that change. The only question relevant here is: how much more time are you going to waste in that uncomfortable zone?

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Time to choose)

The younger generation finds it easier to make those changes, but middle age shouldn't stop anyone from making changes in their own lives too. Retired, but not ready to sit on the porch? This is the place you want to be. You have the opportunity now to be a coach or mentor to someone else, and get paid for it!

So here is the question again (rephrased a bit): if you are not happy in your current job, why are you still there?

Next time we take a look at our physical wellbeing.

Until then, make your work life the best for your wellbeing.

✍️ Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life - Part 1: Human Connections

Life Coach Comic Strip

I have seen and read a stack load of articles on how to be successful, or do this and you will be happy, and yet there aren't many from people who are saying that they are happy and that they are living fulfilled lives. They are there too, but not nearly as many as those who tell you how to do it.

It is all too easy to see the Instagram pictures and the Facebook statuses, and think that those people must be happy because they are smiling and looking amazing. But are they really? Don't you think that they too are struggling to make sense of it all? Or trying find peace amidst the chaos and stress of everyday life? Or perhaps they are hiding in the spotlight then no one can see how unhappy or depressed they truly are?

Maybe it is time to look at your corner of the world and find out if your life is not in need of some changes before you are going to wonder why your life is going down the drain without you noticing.

If you are thinking about your life balance and feel that it is time to make some changes where do you start?

Life Coach Comic Strip (Human Connections)

I suppose you can start with any aspect of your life, but it probably makes sense, to begin with, our connections to other people: our families, friends, and colleagues.

Spend a few minutes on thinking about the quality of your relationships. How would you qualify your relationship with your partner, spouse, children, parents? Is the relationship good, so-so, barely on speaking terms, or non-existent?

And your friends? Or are they just buddies to hang out with? The same goes for women. We are more likely to talk to each other, but are we really talking or are we making up time with gossip and meaningless chatter about this sale or that paint colour?

Fixing relationships is not always a matter of spending more time together, although that would certainly help. But unless the relationship encompasses respect, love, and trust, time is not going to just make the issues go away.

While you won't necessarily feel love for your colleagues, respect and a sense of belonging also plays a role in the work environment. Dropping a friendship because of a lack of growth in the relationship is more possible than changing your boss with the bad attitude.

Unless of course, the relationship cannot be resolved, and one of you has to seek employment elsewhere.

Life Coach Comic Strip (Time to choose)

Whatever your situation, take a hard look at where you stand and get someone such as a life coach to be your guide when you take on this aspect of your life. Remember, you don't need a life coach. What you need to do is figure out what is wrong, and get moving on working on fixing that relationship as soon as you can.

No one's life is perfect, or in perfect balance, but you need to find out what you can do to make yours as best as you honestly can.

Next week we will take a look at our working lives - the part of our day where we spend the most of our time.

Until then, look after your relationships!

💐 Lizette

Life is back to normal...I think

  Since returning home from our trip to Scotland, I can only claim that things have returned to normal. Well, after I took my break that is.

Francois and I doing the selfie
thing in Glasgow 😀

  Normal is not a bad thing, but I am concerned about that comfort zone where fear is holding me back from doing the things I really want to achieve. So, after completing the formatting of three books for printing (one will be reprinted for the third time), I am ready to face my main challenge again: me.
  My path of personal growth was put on hold for the trip, but now it is time to focus on that once more. I have restarted my meditation sessions, and am also reading and studying more about the process. Hopefully, I will make more progress if I work at it with more discipline and dedication.
That is all for this week.

May your week be happy and calm.

Lizette

I need a holiday...from my holiday

Lizette @ Loch Ness in Scotland
(photo by Francois Venter)

It is now just over a week since we returned from Scotland. The trip was incredible, but it was exhausting. Much more than I anticipated that it would be. Francois told my business partner on Thursday that his body was back in the country, but his brain was still on a plane on its way home. In my case, it was the exact opposite.

While I took Monday off too, to take care of laundry and stuff, the only thing I managed to do was a training session with my personal trainer. On Tuesday I felt a twinge here and there in my legs, but nothing to concern me after such a session. On Wednesday morning I knew something was wrong. Even though it was my second day back at work, the whole office environment was somewhat relaxed as it usually is after the hectic pace of the financial year-end at the end of March.

So I did not expect my blood pressure to go up to the point that I was getting really concerned. I did my best to remain calm, and while it improved a little by lunchtime, I knew I had to cancel my training session - scheduled for later. However, I could not figure out why this suddenly happened. I was not ill, nor were my muscles strained after the session on Monday.

When I got home, I decided to assess where I stood physically and mentally to see if I could not find the reason for this spike in my blood pressure. It was not easy, but after an hour or so, I realised that my body was still stressed out over all the travelling we did - it did take us about 18 hours of almost non-stop travelling to get home, and it finally caught up with me. Add to that the months of stress at work, the really busy holiday, and my goal to edit my fifth novel in April as part of the Camp NaNoWriMo challenge, and my body told me to stop! It had had enough; it was time for me to take a break before it broke me. Moreover, the fastest way for it to get that message across was to elevate my blood pressure to a level that forced me to stop and take it easy.

Since then, my blood pressure has dropped to its normal levels (normal for me that is), and I have not had any problems again.

Now, what to do? I stopped editing my novel. I stopped trying to reach any target for April, including my writing target. As it stands right now, I am barely halfway to the target for the month with eight days left.

Of course, I had to have the requisite pep talk with myself that goes with not achieving my targets. I had to remind myself that I was not a failure. Not finishing the novel right now is not going to kill me (it might if I tried to though) and not getting another training session in this week, was not going to make me less healthy or make me gain more weight again (I actually lost some weight, not much but still no gains, only losses!).

So the image in the mirror staring back at me is now telling me: you are looking after yourself by not pushing this month. You can always catch up on the words, since on the total target for the year you are but a thousand or so words behind. On a target of 250k, it is not even a drop, so it will be easy to catch up. Relax! Take some time to read, or start meditating again - something I have been neglecting of late.

So here I am, eight days until the end of April Camp NaNoWriMo, and I am not going to make it. For the first time since taking part, I will not make the target and get my certificate, and I am okay with that.

With reducing the risk of getting a stroke, or suffering a heart attack, I think April is going to turn out well after all. So here is what I learned this past week: it is necessary to listen to my body too. I have always been more of a brainiac, but neglecting my physical being could be just as bad as not looking after my mental and intellectual well being.

I am also spending less time online and on social media until the end of the month. Daily posts to Instagram and my blog during the holiday, probably didn't help my case either. I am taking my own advice and making time for me. So I will be back in May.

Until then, be healthy and happy!

Lizette

Taking a break...

This week I am taking a break, but only for a short time.

Francois and I will soon be off to the land of kilts and whiskey for a well-deserved vacation. You can follow our shenanigans on my writing blog and Instagram.

An article about taking a break 😃

Until next time!
Lizette

PS: I received my diploma, and will soon post the date of the first seminar.

That one thing you should not do...please

Local half-marathon @ Club Mykonos Aug 2016
Photograph (c) Lizette de Vries-Venter

I recently completed my course as a life coach, and one of the first things they taught me was to never give advice. I thought that is the best 'advice' they could have given me since I hate it when people tell me what to do. I have always resented that since it feels to me like I am being treated like a child. Something I assure you I have not been for many years.

Too scared to ask...?

So why do people send me book recommendations? I must be displaying some inability to decide for myself. Of course, I know what they want me to do - review the damn thing. Why not be upfront and ask me? Again, I must be some kind of ogre that they fear for some reason. I am a nice person (really...most of the time) so the worst thing that can happen? I will say no. Very scary, I know.

Then there is a problem...

Recently a very nice guy (I subscribe to his newsletter) sent out an email to tell his followers that he needs time away from his online life, to reconnect with his real life. While I suspect that loads of people sent him a reply, I too replied to that email.

When he answered me back, not only was I surprised (purely because I did not expect him to, I suppose) I had the immediate urge to hit reply again. I did not. I decided instead to think about it for a few days before replying. My hesitation was not because I did not know what to say, quite the opposite. This impulse created an awareness of something else: I wondered how my words came across the first time.

I intended to be supportive, but I had to wonder if I indeed was supportive. Or did I blast ahead like many of us often do when someone mentions a problem or writes an email as mentioned before, with advice on what they should or shouldn't do?

How can I advise someone I have never met in person, no matter how well intended? Our online personas are but a fraction of who we are, so the well-intended advice could end up creating more problems, instead of helping to solve them.

Those famous people...

People often compare themselves to the glitz and glamour of the rich and famous, and yet we know nothing about them. We only know what they project themselves to be, and that could be true, but it could also be fake. Unless you know someone in person, you cannot advise that person.

We all have our social masks, often created in uniformity to others' to suppress fear of non-acceptance, but we are not all the same. We do not have the same interests, the same histories, the same personalities, or the same problems. Even if it looks the same from the outside, it is invariably coloured by our own perceptions and ideas.

A new awareness...

Back to my email reply. So when this man mentioned that he needed time away from his online life, how many people presumed things that may or may not true and yet were quick to offer a solution? How many of us truly listen, or act supportive, when that is what the person mentioning the problem wanted in the first place?

This email made me stop and think about the impact my words (from my first reply) might have had on him. He did reply to my email, so I can safely assume I did not insult him, talked down to him, or heaven forbid, gave him advice and made him feel inadequate or worse, made him feel like a child.

By the time of writing the first draft of this post I have not yet sent my reply, but I am going to have a look at the tone of my words because as a mature adult (and life coach) it is not my place to provide unsolicited advice. Even if asked, I am often hesitant to do so without truly understanding the extent of the need of the person asking. While it is true that they are free to ignore such advice, but why waste everyone's time, when the true need was a sympathetic ear and nothing more.

As guilty as I still am of trying to be an advice giver, I am working on being a better listener and sounding board instead. The interesting thing is that someone coming to you with a problem, often know what the answer or the solution is already. They do not need you to solve their problem; they might only need a sympathetic ear to know that their problem is not that unique or unsolvable as they first thought.

PS: If you want me to read and review your book, please ask. The worst I can do is tell you no, which I can do without being an ogre.

Wishing you health and happiness. Until next time!

Lizette