My non-successes of 2018, and the lessons I learned (I hope)

Photo by Luke Porter on Unsplash

This year has been eventful that is for sure, and as these things go, not everything works out as planned. Although I am disappointed in myself on not achieving the exercise and the weight-loss goals I set for myself, it has not been without some success on both counts.

I did exercise more than what I have done in recent years, but my goal remains to have my GP tell me that my blood pressure medication is no longer required. There has been a significant improvement already, but I am still expected to take the meds. Continuous improvement is now the target for 2019.

Losing weight was not one of my primary goals, but I still had some lost kilos in mind. Again that didn't happen as planned, and that too will be on the continuous improvement path for 2019.

So what did I learn from these two non-successes?

I wish I could tell you that I found the answer and it will be an easy path from now on. I can, however, not say that. Being overweight (health is my first concern, not how much I weigh) is a difficult thing to manage when some factors are working against me. These factors are not outside of my control, so the lack of goal achievement cannot be blamed on anyone except yours truly.

So here is what I learned:

1. Having a work environment that is not good for one's mental well-being is not conducive for other aspects of one's wellbeing either. It took me a while to realise this, and mostly because the effects were more subconscious than I thought. This is mostly a problem that manifests itself in my eating habits, and not good habits either!

2. Not all exercise is right for you. For many months I religiously followed a program with a personal training company, but eventually, I stopped going. I have a back problem and living with more pain with the exercise sessions than without it, made no sense to me. Yes, exercise is good for me, and there were some benefits, but I don't like living with pain if I can avoid it.

What I am doing for my new plan of continuous improvement on these aspects:

1. I have resigned from the job in that unhealthy environment and decided to go back to self-employment. It is hard work, I know, but even now I am, and as a result, my mental wellbeing is already improving. This week I am stuck at home because we are having work done at our house, and I find the constraint on my ability to come and go as I please frustrating. The frustration is temporary, and even with the limitation on my movements, I find that I can still do more and be more creative than what I have been in months. I think it is too soon to say what effect it will have on my eating habits, but now I am more hopeful that things are working better already.

2. It is the time of year that makes changes difficult because Francois will also be home and we have family obligations that make my decisions on how I want to spend my time more challenging. I am working on finding a way to incorporate exercise into my daily routine that will not put so much strain on my back. Tai chi does the trick for my back problem, so now I need to get the routine going once more...after the holidays I think it would present a better chance for success. But I am not waiting until then, but it will remain a struggle until the New Year.

The next year will bring its own challenges for me, but I have faith that these will be stimulating, exciting, and above all things that will work toward my primary goal in life: become the best version of me.

So now all that remains, before I sign off for 2018, is to wish you an indescribably blessed and peaceful Christmas, and a New Year filled with fulfilled dreams, and immeasurable successes.

Until 2019, be kind to yourself!

😄 Lizette

Revealing a few rabbits: my goals, my life, my future

Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash

This is not the end of the road, only the end of the year. Well, almost. Unlike the other posts about Life Balance, this one is more personal. I am going to tell you about my goals, and my life balance. So far. It is a journey after all, and a road that winds through the sands of time as we each make our way to our final destinations, whatever that may be for you and me.

So let me open the hat and shake out some of my rabbits:

1. I am just a few thousand words short of my word count target for this year, and will in all probability achieve that before Christmas arrives.

2. I have published two books this year, and if all goes to plan, number 23 will be available right about the end of January 2019.

3. I handed in my notice this past week, and will from now be self-employed once more. I won't say I am not nervous, but I have faith that this new road is the one for me and my professional life from now on.

4. Only a few days ago I celebrated my 50th birthday. To many of you, it might sound like a lifetime, and for many others like I was only born yesterday. Whichever way your thoughts may go, I am grateful for all the things I have achieved, all the people I have met, and for all the mercy God has bestowed upon me in this life. No, it is not over, and I don't for one moment plan to slow down (only change direction), but I have learned that a few minutes of reflection every day brings clarity and focus on the important things in this life.

5. The last point on my list today, concerns my husband of nearly 25 years. A journey like mine could have happened without him, but it would not have been so memorable, and joyful without a supportive spouse. Thank you for the wonderful birthday surprise weekend (he managed to plot with friends and family and keep it quiet for six months!) and all the lovely gifts that you showered me with this year. But it is our life together - past, present and whatever the future may hold - that is the reason that I love you.

Francois and I at my birthday breakfast - with friends
(photo by Phenice Rothman)

My list is not complete and nor it is all love and roses, but for now, I wish to celebrate the positives of this year. Next week, I will talk about the things that did not go right, and how I can work to turn those around from the lessons I have learned.

If your list is also like mine, good and not so good, then now is the time to reflect on the lessons we have learned. It will also be an excellent time to contemplate taking the lessons from the goals achieved and using those to apply to the not-achieved goals of the past year.

And when you make that list and assess those goals to achieve balance in your life, do give some thought to things that you put effort into (whether you failed or succeeded) on whether they were indeed the things you should have chased this past year.

Until our next visit, be kind to yourself.

💜 Lizette

5 Steps to Start Balancing your Life

Source: Wang Xi on Unsplash

It is easy to make a list of all the aspects of our lives that require our attention, but it is far from easy to make it happen. I would say it is one of the most challenging things to do. It requires a change in thinking, and not necessarily in the way you would plan your life. Balancing all seven aspects is impossible, but it doesn't mean that you need to. Some aspects of your life may already be satisfactory, and in those, you can carry on as usual. What about the rest?

There is no one recipe (I wish there were, then it would not be so challenging!) that works for everyone, but there is a process that you can use to figure out your way.

So let's get right to it then.

Step 1

Make a list of all seven aspects (for a reminder click here) of your life, and then give yourself some time to reflect on each of these aspects. Don't rush through the list because at first glance you will only remember the last few days and then your assessment will not be an accurate reflection of that aspect.

You can choose your own scoring system, but a simple 1 for very bad, 2 not so bad, 3 passable, 4 more than okay, and 5 for satisfactory/happy, will do the trick.

Step 2

You need to figure out first which areas of your life you are satisfied with. Remember we cannot be happy all the time with everything in our lives, so your assessment needs to be from an overall perspective. If you are healthy and taking care of your physical wellbeing (for example) on a regular basis, then you might feel that this aspect is working for you and you can list it as satisfactory.

Step 3

The positive aspects are always easy to identify, but it is those 'not so okay' items on the list that you truly need to work through in some detail. What about those aspects are not working for you? Where do you need to work on yourself to improve that aspect? Where do you need to work with a child/spouse/partner/friend to make a change for the better?

Relationships, especially need a good hard look. Remember, you cannot change anyone except yourself. You cannot make choices for other people, but you can choose to change something in your situation.

Step 4

If you need professional help with some aspect, get help. It is your life, and hoping that something is going to change without doing something about it, is an ostrich with its head in the sand approach. Nothing will change unless you take decisive action to make it change.

Don't wait. Delaying to get help, will invariably make it worse. Do it today!

Step 5

If nothing specifically stands out as an immediate need for professional intervention, then it is time to prioritise. You only have so much time. You only have so much time on this earth, in this life, to do the things that you need to do to live a fulfilled and happy life.

At this point, it is time to know your core values. These values will help you to prioritise.

Take this week, take two weeks, but spend enough time to work through the seven aspects (here is a reminder of them again in case you need it) so that you can see where your life is in and out of balance. You cannot take the next step forward if you don't know where you stand.

I will be taking a break in November because of NaNoWriMo, but the next post will be in December where we will take that first step together to assist you in bringing your own life closer the balance to leave you happy and fulfilled.

Until then, spend some time to reflect on your life, it is your only one after all.

💜 Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 5: Money, money, money

The Life Coach is in

I recently had a discussion with an independent financial advisor, and he had the most interesting thing to say about retirement planning. According to him, financial advisors had no interest in taking on clients younger than 45 (approximately). This was a surprise to me, but upon further reflection, it made perfect sense too. So why do the financial slash retirement planning advisors ignore the younger generation of adults? Money.

Yes, I know it doesn't sound right. Financial advisors not interested in money. However, if you think about it, you will understand why they only target older people, and mostly people close to retirement. Young people who have just started working don't have money. They are setting up a home, maybe they are newly married, or just starting with a family. It doesn't take a genius to understand that money to plan for retirement still thirty years or more into the future is not a high priority. The problem is that it should be a priority, but few understand it until it is almost too late.

The Life Coach - Financial Wellness

Waiting until a financial advisor is interested in helping you plan your retirement, is going to cost you a lot more than it would have if you had started much earlier in your life. Savings and investments (including those for retirement) need time to be worthwhile. Presently, in South Africa, it requires approximately R40million to retire today.

The most significant financial expenses we face as we get older are not the expensive car, or the mortgage, or even the cost of living (although increasing on a weekly basis in the current economic times!) - it is our medical expenses. The illnesses that plague us as young adults or even in midlife are not nearly as severe or expensive as those that hit us in our senior years.

I am not a financial advisor, and nor do I claim to know what is best for you, but I do know one thing: start saving for your retirement as soon as possible.

Source: Liberty.co.za

The above example might make you laugh, but the point is that saving should be a habit as much as any good practice should be. You do exercise regularly, don't you? You do make a habit of eating healthy, don't you? Saving for your retirement should also be a regular habit. In South African terms, for (not having) four cups of coffee each month and investing the money you can already work on not saying “I don't know how I am going to afford to retire?” as many people I know do right now.

The people who are saying these words have been relying on their employers' pension funds alone. Don't make the same mistake, because even the most competent investment houses cannot guarantee that you will have enough money to retire. 

The Life Coach
(making a choice)

Consult an expert to assist you in drafting a retirement plan, so that you can understand what you need to do when you need to do it and how you can gain the maximum benefit from your available income.

Here is a tool that can help you determine your retirement status. You don't have to be a client of the company to utilise the app. Click here to register.

Now is the best time to take responsibility for your financial future; if you already do then make sure that you regularly check your financial status.

Until next time, when we take a look at our inner wellbeing.

🌞🌤☔️📈Lizette

The first four steps to make your New Year's resolutions work

Did you have any New Year's resolutions at the start of 2017? If you did not why not? Has it been a question of having had them in the past and then nothing comes of it, and eventually you just gave up trying?

We all like to achieve something important. It makes us feel good about ourselves and often gives us the opportunity to help someone else do it for themselves. However, when we feel like a failure, it is not nice to share that with anyone, especially if there was no positive outcome as a result of it.

You can change that. You can achieve a goal that you set for yourself. It does not have to be a New Year's resolution. Alternatively, if it is, don't call it by that name. That name already creates an impression of failure in your mind, and the minds of anyone else you tell. Because everyone fails at those, don't they?

Technically, that is not true, but as far as general opinions go, it is probably not far off.

1. Put the power in your name

Instead of giving the power away, take it back - use your name. This is your goal, isn't it? So why call it something that is not you? So here is an example if you want to lose weight (like I do) - Lizette's weight-loss program. That's it. No funny or weird names or high falutin fancy words. Okay, I did that on purpose, but you get my point. Take the power of your goal into your own hands, make it yours. Call it by your name. Come on, say it out loud <your name>'s fitness program. It is yours. Not mine. Not your BFF's. Yours. Own it!

2. Feel the power of your game

We often make big decisions in an emotional state, instead of sitting down and working out what we need to do and thinking about the consequences before jumping in. Then again, once the decision is made we try to rationalise it away, or put ourselves down, even when it is going well. Especially when it is going well. You tell yourself it cannot last. Or it is a fluke and not going to happen again. Even worse, it was pure luck, and you do not deserve it.

So what happened to the emotions now? You did something good. You achieved the first step towards your goal - you should be jumping about with joy. Find a mirror and wiggle that booty when you lost that first kilogram.

Pull your arms up and celebrate that first muscle definition you worked so hard for.

Grin at yourself, whoop with joy when you finished that first chapter of your first novel.

Take a load of selfies and post them on your Facebook profile. Print them and put them on your bedroom wall, above the kettle in the kitchen, in a frame on your desk at work.

3. Feel the power of the first step

Exclaim at the power of the second step's completion.

Break out into a song when you make the tick mark next to number three.

Remember the pleasure of achievement, when you hit an obstacle. Point a finger at your mirror self, and remind yourself of all the hard work you have done up to now.

Page through the smiling and joyful selfies to remind your brain of that high.

This is your program. You own the power to make it happen. Feel the power when it happens, it will make you happier.

4. Share the power; it makes you stronger

Making a major change in your life, even if you do it in small steps, can be very hard. This would be the time to phone a friend. However, pick the friend with care. Pick someone who wants you to succeed. Too often our friends want us to fail, to make them feel better about themselves. Those are not the friends you want on this journey with you.

Maybe this friend also wants to do something to make his or her life better. Share your programs, and your goals. If you are not on the same program, make a point to understand what it is the other person wants to achieve. Show your steps to each other. Explain how you will measure your progress. Agree on how you are going to celebrate the success at each step.

A true friend will be your strength, as you will be for them. Not all steps are completed as you want, and sometimes a setback happens. Take a deep breath. Share your feelings about the setback. Listen to yourself and see the true reasons for the setback.

Let your friend support you but in a positive manner. Always. No binge ice cream eating if you are on a weight-loss program. No getting drunk if the novel is rejected by a publisher. Positive support. Positive feedback to each other to keep going.

Be the friend you need, and together you will be stronger. It will increase your chances of being the achiever you want yourself to be. Let's face it a party is just so much more fun if you have someone to share it with.

Don't wait until the New Year's celebrations ring in your ears.

Decide now to take the power into your own hands.

Plan now for the positive rewards you will enjoy at each step.

Take the journey with a true friend; it will be the best part of the road to your success in 2018.