5 Steps to Start Balancing your Life

Source: Wang Xi on Unsplash

It is easy to make a list of all the aspects of our lives that require our attention, but it is far from easy to make it happen. I would say it is one of the most challenging things to do. It requires a change in thinking, and not necessarily in the way you would plan your life. Balancing all seven aspects is impossible, but it doesn't mean that you need to. Some aspects of your life may already be satisfactory, and in those, you can carry on as usual. What about the rest?

There is no one recipe (I wish there were, then it would not be so challenging!) that works for everyone, but there is a process that you can use to figure out your way.

So let's get right to it then.

Step 1

Make a list of all seven aspects (for a reminder click here) of your life, and then give yourself some time to reflect on each of these aspects. Don't rush through the list because at first glance you will only remember the last few days and then your assessment will not be an accurate reflection of that aspect.

You can choose your own scoring system, but a simple 1 for very bad, 2 not so bad, 3 passable, 4 more than okay, and 5 for satisfactory/happy, will do the trick.

Step 2

You need to figure out first which areas of your life you are satisfied with. Remember we cannot be happy all the time with everything in our lives, so your assessment needs to be from an overall perspective. If you are healthy and taking care of your physical wellbeing (for example) on a regular basis, then you might feel that this aspect is working for you and you can list it as satisfactory.

Step 3

The positive aspects are always easy to identify, but it is those 'not so okay' items on the list that you truly need to work through in some detail. What about those aspects are not working for you? Where do you need to work on yourself to improve that aspect? Where do you need to work with a child/spouse/partner/friend to make a change for the better?

Relationships, especially need a good hard look. Remember, you cannot change anyone except yourself. You cannot make choices for other people, but you can choose to change something in your situation.

Step 4

If you need professional help with some aspect, get help. It is your life, and hoping that something is going to change without doing something about it, is an ostrich with its head in the sand approach. Nothing will change unless you take decisive action to make it change.

Don't wait. Delaying to get help, will invariably make it worse. Do it today!

Step 5

If nothing specifically stands out as an immediate need for professional intervention, then it is time to prioritise. You only have so much time. You only have so much time on this earth, in this life, to do the things that you need to do to live a fulfilled and happy life.

At this point, it is time to know your core values. These values will help you to prioritise.

Take this week, take two weeks, but spend enough time to work through the seven aspects (here is a reminder of them again in case you need it) so that you can see where your life is in and out of balance. You cannot take the next step forward if you don't know where you stand.

I will be taking a break in November because of NaNoWriMo, but the next post will be in December where we will take that first step together to assist you in bringing your own life closer the balance to leave you happy and fulfilled.

Until then, spend some time to reflect on your life, it is your only one after all.

💜 Lizette

Balance Your Life...

Welcome to the Seven Areas of Your Life - some areas may need a little more attention than any other area. Click the caption under the picture to take you to the post to find out more.

Relationships 

Career

Physical Wellbeing

Everyday Responsibilities

Financial Wellness

Mental Wellbeing

Giving Back

The list looks overwhelming, doesn't it? Next week we will take a look at how you can figure out where to start.

Until then!

💜Lizette

How to figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life: Part 7 - Giving back

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Welcome to the last item on our list of life areas: giving back. Now I know you know what that is, so I am not going to be all over you on how what, or when you have to do this. Let's have a quick look at why. Why do we give back? The reasons are endless, but they are also different for everyone.

Do you care about the environment? Then that is the way for you to give back.

Love kids? Why not get involved in activities with children that do not have a home.

Love animals? If you are like me and have a whole bunch of pets (three German Shepherds in my case), then you could volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue centre.

If you are close to retirement, or even after you have left a formal career behind, you might take up the mentor mantle for the next generation of people in your field.

The Life Coach Comic Strip (Giving Back)

All of these options and they are not the only ones out there, provide us with a legacy. Something we can leave behind when we leave this life. It is an option to allow us to get involved in something bigger than ourselves. So lastly, it is something that can make us happy and fulfilled.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(time to choose)

You don't have to wait until you retire to get involved. Look around you. Find an organisation or charity in your area that needs your help and your time. Few of us get to leave a legacy behind in our careers. If you are such a person, then wow, good on you. If you are like me, just an average person living a life to be the best version of yourself, then giving back is the ideal opportunity to create a legacy for the future.

Be that person, create your legacy today!

Next week will be a summary of the seven life areas we dealt with so far. Until then, think beyond your current existence: leave a fantastic legacy behind!

🐹🐧🦅🐬🍃🌊 Lizette

How to figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life: Part 6 - Mental Wellbeing

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Few people make time to look after themselves. We are not talking about going to the gym or relaxing with a book and a cup of coffee or tea. Although physical exercise is good for you, as is reading, looking after your mental wellbeing is not a brainless exercise at all. Looking after our mental wellbeing requires active participation in the activity of being alone.

Social media, and always checking our phones for messages or email, leaves us with no active reflection on who we are, and who we are becoming. If ever these concerns cross our minds. No, this time of personal reflection needs to be conducted beyond the mindlessness of electronic devices and the constant sucking at the milk of mother internet.

People run through their lives, and often the faster, the better. The monster chasing them are the fears of their own minds. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of non-acceptance. Fear of fear. Fear. Because running away will make it go away, right? Sadly the answer is no, running away, chasing after endless pleasures, mindless things, or even more money is not going to help you at all. Because the fear is you.

A hero is not someone who overcomes fear. A hero is someone who faces fear, despite their limitations. The fear of finding ourselves, and facing ourselves, to become the person you really can be, takes courage. Real gut-wrenching, acid-churning, heart-pounding courage, in spite of the fear that eats away at your insides.

The Life Coach - Mental Wellbeing

Facing yourself, finding yourself, and becoming the best version of you, requires a commitment of quiet time. Daily will be best, but if it is not possible, book time for yourself once a week. Close the door if you have to. Go away somewhere if you can't.

Reflect on who you are today. This is not about what you have achieved in your career, or relationships, or academic accomplishments. This quiet time is to figure out who you are deep down, in that deepest place where you have locked away all those fears.

Find out where do you need to work on yourself - to be a better human being. To care more. To be present when someone talks to you. To be silent when you feel overwhelmed. To be mindful of the way you are rocketing through life with little regard (if any) to what you need to be a happy and contented human being. Do you know what will make you happy? Have you thought about the things you do (and think about) that are poisoning your mind? Negative thoughts. Thoughts and actions that cut you down before you have even started. Sound familiar? The frightening part is that everyone lives with these thoughts. Everyone is a victim of the society where perfection is the only acceptable standard, however fake or wrong these so-called perfect people are. Nobody is perfect. And it is insane to expect that perfection of yourself. It causes stress and distracts you from finding your own path.

Open your calendar and book time for yourself this week. Take a pen and a notebook (stay away from that smartphone or computer, they will only become excuses not to do this) and write down who you are right now. Write down who you want to be. Take note of all the negative things you tell yourself and note the impact those thoughts have on your wellbeing.

The Life Coach - Time to make a choice

Decide then and there to stop and choose a path that will help you to be a happier and more content person. If you cannot do that on your own, talk to someone who can guide you. Pick a friend, or find a life coach, whom you know can be that guide.

Remember, that person is only a guide; you have to take responsibility for the life that you want to become the best version of you.

Take the time to care of yourself this week, and I will see you again for the last part of this series where we will deal with giving back to others.

Until then!

😀 Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 5: Money, money, money

The Life Coach is in

I recently had a discussion with an independent financial advisor, and he had the most interesting thing to say about retirement planning. According to him, financial advisors had no interest in taking on clients younger than 45 (approximately). This was a surprise to me, but upon further reflection, it made perfect sense too. So why do the financial slash retirement planning advisors ignore the younger generation of adults? Money.

Yes, I know it doesn't sound right. Financial advisors not interested in money. However, if you think about it, you will understand why they only target older people, and mostly people close to retirement. Young people who have just started working don't have money. They are setting up a home, maybe they are newly married, or just starting with a family. It doesn't take a genius to understand that money to plan for retirement still thirty years or more into the future is not a high priority. The problem is that it should be a priority, but few understand it until it is almost too late.

The Life Coach - Financial Wellness

Waiting until a financial advisor is interested in helping you plan your retirement, is going to cost you a lot more than it would have if you had started much earlier in your life. Savings and investments (including those for retirement) need time to be worthwhile. Presently, in South Africa, it requires approximately R40million to retire today.

The most significant financial expenses we face as we get older are not the expensive car, or the mortgage, or even the cost of living (although increasing on a weekly basis in the current economic times!) - it is our medical expenses. The illnesses that plague us as young adults or even in midlife are not nearly as severe or expensive as those that hit us in our senior years.

I am not a financial advisor, and nor do I claim to know what is best for you, but I do know one thing: start saving for your retirement as soon as possible.

Source: Liberty.co.za

The above example might make you laugh, but the point is that saving should be a habit as much as any good practice should be. You do exercise regularly, don't you? You do make a habit of eating healthy, don't you? Saving for your retirement should also be a regular habit. In South African terms, for (not having) four cups of coffee each month and investing the money you can already work on not saying “I don't know how I am going to afford to retire?” as many people I know do right now.

The people who are saying these words have been relying on their employers' pension funds alone. Don't make the same mistake, because even the most competent investment houses cannot guarantee that you will have enough money to retire. 

The Life Coach
(making a choice)

Consult an expert to assist you in drafting a retirement plan, so that you can understand what you need to do when you need to do it and how you can gain the maximum benefit from your available income.

Here is a tool that can help you determine your retirement status. You don't have to be a client of the company to utilise the app. Click here to register.

Now is the best time to take responsibility for your financial future; if you already do then make sure that you regularly check your financial status.

Until next time, when we take a look at our inner wellbeing.

🌞🌤☔️📈Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 4: Everyday responsibilities

Life Coach Comic Strip

I hate ironing. Even saying those words cannot explain how deeply I despise the chore. And yet, I do it because I have to. Does that sound familiar? I am sure you also have something that you would rather avoid, and you still do it, don't you?

Our lives are lived within a 24-hour window, and into that we have to cram working, studying, cooking, making lunch boxes, exercising, socialising with friends, looking after the kids and the pets, looking after ourselves, bathing, sleeping, and all those tasks that will never end: our chores. If ever there was a reason to give in, it is the list of chores. Even if you take care of them today, they will be there again tomorrow. If not tomorrow then the day after.

Even now, I can feel the dirty dishes piling up in the sink although I washed up a mere two hours ago. Why is that? Did someone somewhere anger the chore police and now the rest of humanity has to pay the price for it, forever more?

Life Coach Comic Strip
(everyday responsibilities)

Jokes aside, it is these daily or weekly tasks that define the way we see life. I am of the opinion that these chores are a direct way to test our attitude towards work and life. There is no gratitude, no rewards, only effort and discipline. And yet when it is done (however temporary the result), there is some measure of satisfaction too. At least for me, there is, especially when it comes to ironing. Then again, when muddy doggy paws soil the just washed kitchen floor, the satisfaction evaporates pretty fast, let me tell you.

Since I dislike ironing so much, I am incredibly focused on getting it done. I have timed myself and know exactly how long it will take me to do it. Again, a lot of effort and focus to do something that I will have to do again, and again, and again. No other chore and there are more of them that I don't like, has ever made me time myself while doing it.

Life Coach Comic Strip
(making a choice)

These tasks define the environment in which we live, don't they? A clean home, personal and environmental hygiene, own wellbeing, taking care of our loved ones and making sure we live healthy as far as possible. When I think about it, this is the bottom line of the continued effort and attitude we have towards these never-ending tasks, a better and more healthy way of living. A new mindset perhaps, but that still doesn't mean that I have to start liking ironing now.

It does mean that I will continue to get it done, and as fast and efficiently as I can manage it.

Next week we will look at the one thing that has become a sore point for everyone in modern times: money.

Until then, chin up, those chores are not going to get done by themselves.

🙋‍♀️ Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Life Balance - Part 3: Physical Wellbeing

The Life Coach Comic Strip

Taking care of our bodies is sometimes the hardest thing to do, purely because of all the temptations that surround us, and the busy lives we lead.

This morning when I woke up, I felt like a zombie. My mind felt foggy and my muscles overly tired. At first, I thought my blood pressure was high (since the foggy mind reminded me of a few occasions where that had been the case) but the tired muscles made no sense, so I ascribed it to a restless night or something. I don't need much sleep, but I went to bed at my usual time so that argument holds no water either.

When I eventually got around to taking my blood pressure, the results were nowhere near 'high'. It wasn't exactly normal, but it was much lower than I what I expected it to be given the way I felt. Then I remembered.

Yesterday, I ate too many of the wrong things for someone who has a blood sugar problem. Then everything made sense. The foggy brain, the lethargy in my muscles, even sleeping longer than what is normal for me. Being terrible to my body caused my blood sugar to drop very low overnight, and my body had to work very hard to extract enough energy from my muscles (the quickest way) to fuel my brain, the organ in the body that requires the most energy to function. By not being mindful of the things I ate yesterday, I had been abusive towards my own body instead of taking care of it.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Physical Wellbeing)

It took several hours after waking up until I felt normal again. A lesson I would do well not to forget.

My case may sound a little extreme to you, but I should know better since this is a condition I have been living with for years.

It also reminded me of a conversation I had with someone at work not too long ago. The woman mentioned eating too many takeaways in recent days, and she was starting to feel the effects of it. While she knew fast food is not good for her (her words), a hectic life caused her to neglect her health.

Moreover, she is not the only one. As my story above told you that even with a medical condition, I sometimes slip up. How easy it is these days to quickly pop in for a takeaway meal on the way home. How easy it is to skip going to the gym today because we are too tired from work, or too busy with something else to find the time. And before you know it, weeks have gone by before you realise what you have or not have done to yourself.

When you are young, catching up is easy. Reversing (to some extent) the damage you do to your body with a bad diet, and terrible drinking habits can be managed by making more healthy decisions going forward.

However, when you are not so young anymore (like I am) things are not so easy or quick to undo. Recovering from one day of bad eating will take another day or so only because my body needs more time to heal.

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Time to Choose)

If you are living a life filled with bad habits, now might be a good time to reconsider the alcohol binges, eating fast food five times a week, and staring at the television as a means to exercise.

Our bodies can take a lot of punishment, but growing older all those bad habits do start to catch up with you and just when you need to be more healthy. Taking care of our bodies should not be just a fashion thing or something we do to impress others. We only have one body, and not taking care of it properly during our lifetime, will reduce our life expectancy and just as the statistics say that we should be living longer.

Next time we will look at our everyday stuff and how that can influence the way we live our lives.

Until then, look after your body because you need it for the rest of your life.

🏋️‍♀️🏌🏽‍♀️🧗🏻‍♀️Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life - Part 2: Education and Career

The Life Coach Comic Strip

When was the last time you sat down and figured out if you still liked what you do for a living? Nobody has the perfect job, and no one works for the perfect boss in the perfect company, and yet we stay stuck in jobs we don't like. Yes, we whine about our bosses and the company politics, and this guy's attitude or that woman's incompetence, but what about our own situation?

It is deceptively easy to complain about the things around us. When you sit down and reflect on the work you spent years studying for, or several courses to stay ahead of the game, you know you are not happy. Yet, you stay there doing the same thing day after day.

Here are a few questions that you need to (honestly) answer for yourself:

1. How satisfied are you with your career achievements?

2. Does your career stimulate you and help to help you develop as a person?

3. How satisfied are you with your relationships at work?

4. Is your working life in balance with the rest of your life?

5. Do you want to change your career, your employer, or both?

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Education and Career)

These questions are but a few of the things you need to consider, but if your answers to these five do not leave you with a positive feeling, then it might be time to reconsider your professional journey.

I live in a country where people go to university (or other educational institution), get their qualifications and then do that exact same kind of work for the rest of their lives. The only exception would be if they get promoted into management positions, and often because they don't see any other advancement options available to them.

Very few new managers ask for training, mentoring or coaching to help them get into this career, and even fewer of them leave the company to do what they rather want to do somewhere else. Or change careers altogether. It may be the way we are raised in this country, or perhaps people instead want financial security instead of living a life of contentment and satisfaction.

From personal experience, these two (security and happiness) are not exclusive. I have changed careers over the years and continue to learn and educate myself for new (and different) opportunities in the future.

Fear and uncertainty are huge motivators for people not to change because rather the devil you know that the one you don't know, right? However, is this way of thinking really what you need? Change is only a problem for people who are satisfied in their comfort zones, however uncomfortable that situation might be. It is only when the discomfort becomes unbearable that change. The only question relevant here is: how much more time are you going to waste in that uncomfortable zone?

The Life Coach Comic Strip
(Time to choose)

The younger generation finds it easier to make those changes, but middle age shouldn't stop anyone from making changes in their own lives too. Retired, but not ready to sit on the porch? This is the place you want to be. You have the opportunity now to be a coach or mentor to someone else, and get paid for it!

So here is the question again (rephrased a bit): if you are not happy in your current job, why are you still there?

Next time we take a look at our physical wellbeing.

Until then, make your work life the best for your wellbeing.

✍️ Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in your Life - Part 1: Human Connections

Life Coach Comic Strip

I have seen and read a stack load of articles on how to be successful, or do this and you will be happy, and yet there aren't many from people who are saying that they are happy and that they are living fulfilled lives. They are there too, but not nearly as many as those who tell you how to do it.

It is all too easy to see the Instagram pictures and the Facebook statuses, and think that those people must be happy because they are smiling and looking amazing. But are they really? Don't you think that they too are struggling to make sense of it all? Or trying find peace amidst the chaos and stress of everyday life? Or perhaps they are hiding in the spotlight then no one can see how unhappy or depressed they truly are?

Maybe it is time to look at your corner of the world and find out if your life is not in need of some changes before you are going to wonder why your life is going down the drain without you noticing.

If you are thinking about your life balance and feel that it is time to make some changes where do you start?

Life Coach Comic Strip (Human Connections)

I suppose you can start with any aspect of your life, but it probably makes sense, to begin with, our connections to other people: our families, friends, and colleagues.

Spend a few minutes on thinking about the quality of your relationships. How would you qualify your relationship with your partner, spouse, children, parents? Is the relationship good, so-so, barely on speaking terms, or non-existent?

And your friends? Or are they just buddies to hang out with? The same goes for women. We are more likely to talk to each other, but are we really talking or are we making up time with gossip and meaningless chatter about this sale or that paint colour?

Fixing relationships is not always a matter of spending more time together, although that would certainly help. But unless the relationship encompasses respect, love, and trust, time is not going to just make the issues go away.

While you won't necessarily feel love for your colleagues, respect and a sense of belonging also plays a role in the work environment. Dropping a friendship because of a lack of growth in the relationship is more possible than changing your boss with the bad attitude.

Unless of course, the relationship cannot be resolved, and one of you has to seek employment elsewhere.

Life Coach Comic Strip (Time to choose)

Whatever your situation, take a hard look at where you stand and get someone such as a life coach to be your guide when you take on this aspect of your life. Remember, you don't need a life coach. What you need to do is figure out what is wrong, and get moving on working on fixing that relationship as soon as you can.

No one's life is perfect, or in perfect balance, but you need to find out what you can do to make yours as best as you honestly can.

Next week we will take a look at our working lives - the part of our day where we spend the most of our time.

Until then, look after your relationships!

💐 Lizette

Expectational Leadership with an expert

Source: http://www.theexpfactor.com

This week I am not going to write a long post. Instead, I am going to introduce you to a friend of mine, Steve van Straaten. He is an expert in expectational leadership and has developed a model around the concept for business. But, expectations are important in all aspects of our lives. Today, however, we are looking at the business side of things.

Have a look at these video clips, and tell me what you think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEP3MXnUR34

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtnCfOEFmQ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8tcDuOXbpo

Learning to be a life coach

This past week I handed in my last assignment for my diploma course to become a life coach. I learnt a whole lot of things and cannot wait to start my formal practice, so to speak.
I have been coaching two people for real, not only for homework assignments, and I find that I love doing the work. A good thing, I would think ;)

I have also included some interesting articles again this week that you might enjoy too.

Procrastination - the real reason?

Decluttering your mind

You need more than hard work to succeed

Have you leveled up as a person?

Until next time!
Lizette

How Medium peeled a layer of ignorance from me today

© Nejron - ID 6277192 | Dreamstime Stock Photos

While I have posted an article or two on Medium, I find that I enjoy reading other people's contributions so much that I spent little time contributing to the site. Today I received the usual email with a list of articles that are recommended by Medium's staff or by people I follow.

One of the articles was from someone about life's choices and lessons.

It was an unusual topic to find it's way to my list of recommended reading, but since I am friends on Facebook with the person who recommended it, I decided to read it anyway. The article was about non-monogamy. The article, while an interesting read, had little impact on me from a personal, relationship perspective. However, the author used gender references that I didn't understand and had to read more about. Most of the time I blame my ignorance on the language since English is not my native language, but it was not the case here.

What was an eye-opener for me, was the extent of social prejudices people suffer because of gender identification. The new term I learnt today was gender dysphoria. I even learnt that my own gender identification has a name, and at 48 years of age, I didn't know that. Cisgender. It sounds weird, but that is as much of a weirdness to me as some of the technical terminologies I deal with might be to non-engineers I suppose.

What triggered my desire to read (aside from the article on Medium) more on the subject, was a true lack of understanding I have of some of the struggles of my fellow human beings.

I pride myself on being open-minded enough not to judge people by whatever definition they have for themselves. As a life coach in training, it is expected from me to be understanding, open-minded and non-judgmental when working with a client.

Born and raised in South Africa, racial prejudice has always been something that I was familiar with. Not agreed with, but it still is a reality for many people living in this country. What I learnt today was that my ignorance could also be a barrier to understanding another group of people that could potentially be my future clients.

I don't find it difficult to accept that I might be wrong about something, I am far from perfect. What I do find difficult to accept is that my worldview, as imperfect as it is, can be so small and ignorant about the issues that people struggle with.

In my sci-fi series, The 3rd Gender, I explored some issues around a third gender. Although in the world of my stories genetic engineering was the culprit for a lot of unhappiness. Today I learnt that the world as it now is more complicated and filled with pain than the world I created in my books.

Reading about gender dysphoria and the relationship issues that are an inherent part of our lives (irrespective of gender identity) was a true learning experience for me today.

A lesson I hope that will help me be a good life coach, but more importantly, make me a better and more understanding human being.

References consulted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria#Gender_dysphoria