My non-successes of 2018, and the lessons I learned (I hope)

Photo by Luke Porter on Unsplash

This year has been eventful that is for sure, and as these things go, not everything works out as planned. Although I am disappointed in myself on not achieving the exercise and the weight-loss goals I set for myself, it has not been without some success on both counts.

I did exercise more than what I have done in recent years, but my goal remains to have my GP tell me that my blood pressure medication is no longer required. There has been a significant improvement already, but I am still expected to take the meds. Continuous improvement is now the target for 2019.

Losing weight was not one of my primary goals, but I still had some lost kilos in mind. Again that didn't happen as planned, and that too will be on the continuous improvement path for 2019.

So what did I learn from these two non-successes?

I wish I could tell you that I found the answer and it will be an easy path from now on. I can, however, not say that. Being overweight (health is my first concern, not how much I weigh) is a difficult thing to manage when some factors are working against me. These factors are not outside of my control, so the lack of goal achievement cannot be blamed on anyone except yours truly.

So here is what I learned:

1. Having a work environment that is not good for one's mental well-being is not conducive for other aspects of one's wellbeing either. It took me a while to realise this, and mostly because the effects were more subconscious than I thought. This is mostly a problem that manifests itself in my eating habits, and not good habits either!

2. Not all exercise is right for you. For many months I religiously followed a program with a personal training company, but eventually, I stopped going. I have a back problem and living with more pain with the exercise sessions than without it, made no sense to me. Yes, exercise is good for me, and there were some benefits, but I don't like living with pain if I can avoid it.

What I am doing for my new plan of continuous improvement on these aspects:

1. I have resigned from the job in that unhealthy environment and decided to go back to self-employment. It is hard work, I know, but even now I am, and as a result, my mental wellbeing is already improving. This week I am stuck at home because we are having work done at our house, and I find the constraint on my ability to come and go as I please frustrating. The frustration is temporary, and even with the limitation on my movements, I find that I can still do more and be more creative than what I have been in months. I think it is too soon to say what effect it will have on my eating habits, but now I am more hopeful that things are working better already.

2. It is the time of year that makes changes difficult because Francois will also be home and we have family obligations that make my decisions on how I want to spend my time more challenging. I am working on finding a way to incorporate exercise into my daily routine that will not put so much strain on my back. Tai chi does the trick for my back problem, so now I need to get the routine going once more...after the holidays I think it would present a better chance for success. But I am not waiting until then, but it will remain a struggle until the New Year.

The next year will bring its own challenges for me, but I have faith that these will be stimulating, exciting, and above all things that will work toward my primary goal in life: become the best version of me.

So now all that remains, before I sign off for 2018, is to wish you an indescribably blessed and peaceful Christmas, and a New Year filled with fulfilled dreams, and immeasurable successes.

Until 2019, be kind to yourself!

😄 Lizette

Revealing a few rabbits: my goals, my life, my future

Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash

This is not the end of the road, only the end of the year. Well, almost. Unlike the other posts about Life Balance, this one is more personal. I am going to tell you about my goals, and my life balance. So far. It is a journey after all, and a road that winds through the sands of time as we each make our way to our final destinations, whatever that may be for you and me.

So let me open the hat and shake out some of my rabbits:

1. I am just a few thousand words short of my word count target for this year, and will in all probability achieve that before Christmas arrives.

2. I have published two books this year, and if all goes to plan, number 23 will be available right about the end of January 2019.

3. I handed in my notice this past week, and will from now be self-employed once more. I won't say I am not nervous, but I have faith that this new road is the one for me and my professional life from now on.

4. Only a few days ago I celebrated my 50th birthday. To many of you, it might sound like a lifetime, and for many others like I was only born yesterday. Whichever way your thoughts may go, I am grateful for all the things I have achieved, all the people I have met, and for all the mercy God has bestowed upon me in this life. No, it is not over, and I don't for one moment plan to slow down (only change direction), but I have learned that a few minutes of reflection every day brings clarity and focus on the important things in this life.

5. The last point on my list today, concerns my husband of nearly 25 years. A journey like mine could have happened without him, but it would not have been so memorable, and joyful without a supportive spouse. Thank you for the wonderful birthday surprise weekend (he managed to plot with friends and family and keep it quiet for six months!) and all the lovely gifts that you showered me with this year. But it is our life together - past, present and whatever the future may hold - that is the reason that I love you.

Francois and I at my birthday breakfast - with friends
(photo by Phenice Rothman)

My list is not complete and nor it is all love and roses, but for now, I wish to celebrate the positives of this year. Next week, I will talk about the things that did not go right, and how I can work to turn those around from the lessons I have learned.

If your list is also like mine, good and not so good, then now is the time to reflect on the lessons we have learned. It will also be an excellent time to contemplate taking the lessons from the goals achieved and using those to apply to the not-achieved goals of the past year.

And when you make that list and assess those goals to achieve balance in your life, do give some thought to things that you put effort into (whether you failed or succeeded) on whether they were indeed the things you should have chased this past year.

Until our next visit, be kind to yourself.

💜 Lizette

5 Steps to Start Balancing your Life

Source: Wang Xi on Unsplash

It is easy to make a list of all the aspects of our lives that require our attention, but it is far from easy to make it happen. I would say it is one of the most challenging things to do. It requires a change in thinking, and not necessarily in the way you would plan your life. Balancing all seven aspects is impossible, but it doesn't mean that you need to. Some aspects of your life may already be satisfactory, and in those, you can carry on as usual. What about the rest?

There is no one recipe (I wish there were, then it would not be so challenging!) that works for everyone, but there is a process that you can use to figure out your way.

So let's get right to it then.

Step 1

Make a list of all seven aspects (for a reminder click here) of your life, and then give yourself some time to reflect on each of these aspects. Don't rush through the list because at first glance you will only remember the last few days and then your assessment will not be an accurate reflection of that aspect.

You can choose your own scoring system, but a simple 1 for very bad, 2 not so bad, 3 passable, 4 more than okay, and 5 for satisfactory/happy, will do the trick.

Step 2

You need to figure out first which areas of your life you are satisfied with. Remember we cannot be happy all the time with everything in our lives, so your assessment needs to be from an overall perspective. If you are healthy and taking care of your physical wellbeing (for example) on a regular basis, then you might feel that this aspect is working for you and you can list it as satisfactory.

Step 3

The positive aspects are always easy to identify, but it is those 'not so okay' items on the list that you truly need to work through in some detail. What about those aspects are not working for you? Where do you need to work on yourself to improve that aspect? Where do you need to work with a child/spouse/partner/friend to make a change for the better?

Relationships, especially need a good hard look. Remember, you cannot change anyone except yourself. You cannot make choices for other people, but you can choose to change something in your situation.

Step 4

If you need professional help with some aspect, get help. It is your life, and hoping that something is going to change without doing something about it, is an ostrich with its head in the sand approach. Nothing will change unless you take decisive action to make it change.

Don't wait. Delaying to get help, will invariably make it worse. Do it today!

Step 5

If nothing specifically stands out as an immediate need for professional intervention, then it is time to prioritise. You only have so much time. You only have so much time on this earth, in this life, to do the things that you need to do to live a fulfilled and happy life.

At this point, it is time to know your core values. These values will help you to prioritise.

Take this week, take two weeks, but spend enough time to work through the seven aspects (here is a reminder of them again in case you need it) so that you can see where your life is in and out of balance. You cannot take the next step forward if you don't know where you stand.

I will be taking a break in November because of NaNoWriMo, but the next post will be in December where we will take that first step together to assist you in bringing your own life closer the balance to leave you happy and fulfilled.

Until then, spend some time to reflect on your life, it is your only one after all.

💜 Lizette

Balance Your Life...

Welcome to the Seven Areas of Your Life - some areas may need a little more attention than any other area. Click the caption under the picture to take you to the post to find out more.

Relationships 

Career

Physical Wellbeing

Everyday Responsibilities

Financial Wellness

Mental Wellbeing

Giving Back

The list looks overwhelming, doesn't it? Next week we will take a look at how you can figure out where to start.

Until then!

💜Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 5: Money, money, money

The Life Coach is in

I recently had a discussion with an independent financial advisor, and he had the most interesting thing to say about retirement planning. According to him, financial advisors had no interest in taking on clients younger than 45 (approximately). This was a surprise to me, but upon further reflection, it made perfect sense too. So why do the financial slash retirement planning advisors ignore the younger generation of adults? Money.

Yes, I know it doesn't sound right. Financial advisors not interested in money. However, if you think about it, you will understand why they only target older people, and mostly people close to retirement. Young people who have just started working don't have money. They are setting up a home, maybe they are newly married, or just starting with a family. It doesn't take a genius to understand that money to plan for retirement still thirty years or more into the future is not a high priority. The problem is that it should be a priority, but few understand it until it is almost too late.

The Life Coach - Financial Wellness

Waiting until a financial advisor is interested in helping you plan your retirement, is going to cost you a lot more than it would have if you had started much earlier in your life. Savings and investments (including those for retirement) need time to be worthwhile. Presently, in South Africa, it requires approximately R40million to retire today.

The most significant financial expenses we face as we get older are not the expensive car, or the mortgage, or even the cost of living (although increasing on a weekly basis in the current economic times!) - it is our medical expenses. The illnesses that plague us as young adults or even in midlife are not nearly as severe or expensive as those that hit us in our senior years.

I am not a financial advisor, and nor do I claim to know what is best for you, but I do know one thing: start saving for your retirement as soon as possible.

Source: Liberty.co.za

The above example might make you laugh, but the point is that saving should be a habit as much as any good practice should be. You do exercise regularly, don't you? You do make a habit of eating healthy, don't you? Saving for your retirement should also be a regular habit. In South African terms, for (not having) four cups of coffee each month and investing the money you can already work on not saying “I don't know how I am going to afford to retire?” as many people I know do right now.

The people who are saying these words have been relying on their employers' pension funds alone. Don't make the same mistake, because even the most competent investment houses cannot guarantee that you will have enough money to retire. 

The Life Coach
(making a choice)

Consult an expert to assist you in drafting a retirement plan, so that you can understand what you need to do when you need to do it and how you can gain the maximum benefit from your available income.

Here is a tool that can help you determine your retirement status. You don't have to be a client of the company to utilise the app. Click here to register.

Now is the best time to take responsibility for your financial future; if you already do then make sure that you regularly check your financial status.

Until next time, when we take a look at our inner wellbeing.

🌞🌤☔️📈Lizette

How to Figure out that Elusive Balance in Your Life - Part 4: Everyday responsibilities

Life Coach Comic Strip

I hate ironing. Even saying those words cannot explain how deeply I despise the chore. And yet, I do it because I have to. Does that sound familiar? I am sure you also have something that you would rather avoid, and you still do it, don't you?

Our lives are lived within a 24-hour window, and into that we have to cram working, studying, cooking, making lunch boxes, exercising, socialising with friends, looking after the kids and the pets, looking after ourselves, bathing, sleeping, and all those tasks that will never end: our chores. If ever there was a reason to give in, it is the list of chores. Even if you take care of them today, they will be there again tomorrow. If not tomorrow then the day after.

Even now, I can feel the dirty dishes piling up in the sink although I washed up a mere two hours ago. Why is that? Did someone somewhere anger the chore police and now the rest of humanity has to pay the price for it, forever more?

Life Coach Comic Strip
(everyday responsibilities)

Jokes aside, it is these daily or weekly tasks that define the way we see life. I am of the opinion that these chores are a direct way to test our attitude towards work and life. There is no gratitude, no rewards, only effort and discipline. And yet when it is done (however temporary the result), there is some measure of satisfaction too. At least for me, there is, especially when it comes to ironing. Then again, when muddy doggy paws soil the just washed kitchen floor, the satisfaction evaporates pretty fast, let me tell you.

Since I dislike ironing so much, I am incredibly focused on getting it done. I have timed myself and know exactly how long it will take me to do it. Again, a lot of effort and focus to do something that I will have to do again, and again, and again. No other chore and there are more of them that I don't like, has ever made me time myself while doing it.

Life Coach Comic Strip
(making a choice)

These tasks define the environment in which we live, don't they? A clean home, personal and environmental hygiene, own wellbeing, taking care of our loved ones and making sure we live healthy as far as possible. When I think about it, this is the bottom line of the continued effort and attitude we have towards these never-ending tasks, a better and more healthy way of living. A new mindset perhaps, but that still doesn't mean that I have to start liking ironing now.

It does mean that I will continue to get it done, and as fast and efficiently as I can manage it.

Next week we will look at the one thing that has become a sore point for everyone in modern times: money.

Until then, chin up, those chores are not going to get done by themselves.

🙋‍♀️ Lizette

Course work and writing...a challenge this week

Source Free Image @ Unsplash

I was a bit quiet this week, and not entirely of my own doing. I am doing an online course in Training and Development Management and the homework this past week was a bit more challenging and required more of my time. It is one of those things that you cannot just email the lecturer and tell him: "Sorry, I need more time because my blogs required my attention."

So this week the promised Part 2 of the Life Coach will stand over until I can edit it before posting. But I have a little snack for you in the meantime, another list of useful articles to read. The list includes one of the references I am using in my next book, Take Your Journal to the Next Level, and a few articles I needed myself this week.

Here is the list for this week:

1. The benefits of keeping a journal 

2. Looking after your health 

3. Staying motivated 

Take care!

Lizette

Chasing a Goal when even Small Obstacles seem Insurmountable

Photo by Andrei Dumitrescu
on Unsplash

Perhaps your journal can help out…

I can just hear your eyebrows shoot up as you think that I am losing my mind. Journal writing is not about chasing goals, I hear you say. And you would be correct. But what if you have something that you want to do, but you are having difficulty trying to figure out what that something is? That would be a goal, wouldn’t it? Instead of just letting your mind meander where it wants to, why not set yourself a target of say 10 or 20 minutes once a week, to ‘think’ about this elusive goal. Maybe it is not that elusive, but you are still unsure about some aspects of it, or you need to figure what you need to learn to get closer to that goal.

Because keeping a journal is a personal experience, you can dig deep into your psyche to find all the fears and excuses that are holding you back. It doesn’t have to be big obstacles they can be small too, but unless you unpack them one at a time, they will always be ‘the problem’. Even mountain climbers don’t just suit up and go. They study the geography of the mountain. They try to find out what others have done right or wrong to learn from their experiences. They even study the weather, because dying in a blizzard is not something you want to happen because you were not prepared.

Your goal could lie before you as your Mount Everest. And until the first person scaled its height, it was an insurmountable obstacle. Despite it being conquered, it will never be mastered by man because of the challenges each person has to face on their own ascent.

Your goal might seem unsurmountable too, but what can you learn from past experiences that you had in achieving a goal? What do you need to learn to conquer the next step?

Your journal is the ideal companion for that journey towards the achievement of that goal. Use the quiet time with your journal to good effect. Find out what is truly standing in your way. Reflect on the lessons of your past that can help you. What good things can you use? What are the not so good things that can you learn from? Open your mind, and you will see the route before you.

Of course not every road is paved with success, but with an open mind the perceived obstacles become a learning experience documented in your journal for the next bigger, and perhaps bolder challenge. A challenge that will see you better prepared than you could have imagined if you hadn’t recorded your journey towards achieving that success in the first place.

And in this case, it is not you that Take your Journal to the Next Level, but the other way around. And that can indeed be the next step in the evolutionary path of personal development.

A side note: I have drawn up a project plan for my next book, Take your Journal to the Next Level, and if all goes according to that plan the book will be ready for release in early 2019. At the time of this post, my progress stands at 31% complete.

Until next time, be healthy and happy!

Lizette

I need a holiday...from my holiday

Lizette @ Loch Ness in Scotland
(photo by Francois Venter)

It is now just over a week since we returned from Scotland. The trip was incredible, but it was exhausting. Much more than I anticipated that it would be. Francois told my business partner on Thursday that his body was back in the country, but his brain was still on a plane on its way home. In my case, it was the exact opposite.

While I took Monday off too, to take care of laundry and stuff, the only thing I managed to do was a training session with my personal trainer. On Tuesday I felt a twinge here and there in my legs, but nothing to concern me after such a session. On Wednesday morning I knew something was wrong. Even though it was my second day back at work, the whole office environment was somewhat relaxed as it usually is after the hectic pace of the financial year-end at the end of March.

So I did not expect my blood pressure to go up to the point that I was getting really concerned. I did my best to remain calm, and while it improved a little by lunchtime, I knew I had to cancel my training session - scheduled for later. However, I could not figure out why this suddenly happened. I was not ill, nor were my muscles strained after the session on Monday.

When I got home, I decided to assess where I stood physically and mentally to see if I could not find the reason for this spike in my blood pressure. It was not easy, but after an hour or so, I realised that my body was still stressed out over all the travelling we did - it did take us about 18 hours of almost non-stop travelling to get home, and it finally caught up with me. Add to that the months of stress at work, the really busy holiday, and my goal to edit my fifth novel in April as part of the Camp NaNoWriMo challenge, and my body told me to stop! It had had enough; it was time for me to take a break before it broke me. Moreover, the fastest way for it to get that message across was to elevate my blood pressure to a level that forced me to stop and take it easy.

Since then, my blood pressure has dropped to its normal levels (normal for me that is), and I have not had any problems again.

Now, what to do? I stopped editing my novel. I stopped trying to reach any target for April, including my writing target. As it stands right now, I am barely halfway to the target for the month with eight days left.

Of course, I had to have the requisite pep talk with myself that goes with not achieving my targets. I had to remind myself that I was not a failure. Not finishing the novel right now is not going to kill me (it might if I tried to though) and not getting another training session in this week, was not going to make me less healthy or make me gain more weight again (I actually lost some weight, not much but still no gains, only losses!).

So the image in the mirror staring back at me is now telling me: you are looking after yourself by not pushing this month. You can always catch up on the words, since on the total target for the year you are but a thousand or so words behind. On a target of 250k, it is not even a drop, so it will be easy to catch up. Relax! Take some time to read, or start meditating again - something I have been neglecting of late.

So here I am, eight days until the end of April Camp NaNoWriMo, and I am not going to make it. For the first time since taking part, I will not make the target and get my certificate, and I am okay with that.

With reducing the risk of getting a stroke, or suffering a heart attack, I think April is going to turn out well after all. So here is what I learned this past week: it is necessary to listen to my body too. I have always been more of a brainiac, but neglecting my physical being could be just as bad as not looking after my mental and intellectual well being.

I am also spending less time online and on social media until the end of the month. Daily posts to Instagram and my blog during the holiday, probably didn't help my case either. I am taking my own advice and making time for me. So I will be back in May.

Until then, be healthy and happy!

Lizette

That one thing you should not do...please

Local half-marathon @ Club Mykonos Aug 2016
Photograph (c) Lizette de Vries-Venter

I recently completed my course as a life coach, and one of the first things they taught me was to never give advice. I thought that is the best 'advice' they could have given me since I hate it when people tell me what to do. I have always resented that since it feels to me like I am being treated like a child. Something I assure you I have not been for many years.

Too scared to ask...?

So why do people send me book recommendations? I must be displaying some inability to decide for myself. Of course, I know what they want me to do - review the damn thing. Why not be upfront and ask me? Again, I must be some kind of ogre that they fear for some reason. I am a nice person (really...most of the time) so the worst thing that can happen? I will say no. Very scary, I know.

Then there is a problem...

Recently a very nice guy (I subscribe to his newsletter) sent out an email to tell his followers that he needs time away from his online life, to reconnect with his real life. While I suspect that loads of people sent him a reply, I too replied to that email.

When he answered me back, not only was I surprised (purely because I did not expect him to, I suppose) I had the immediate urge to hit reply again. I did not. I decided instead to think about it for a few days before replying. My hesitation was not because I did not know what to say, quite the opposite. This impulse created an awareness of something else: I wondered how my words came across the first time.

I intended to be supportive, but I had to wonder if I indeed was supportive. Or did I blast ahead like many of us often do when someone mentions a problem or writes an email as mentioned before, with advice on what they should or shouldn't do?

How can I advise someone I have never met in person, no matter how well intended? Our online personas are but a fraction of who we are, so the well-intended advice could end up creating more problems, instead of helping to solve them.

Those famous people...

People often compare themselves to the glitz and glamour of the rich and famous, and yet we know nothing about them. We only know what they project themselves to be, and that could be true, but it could also be fake. Unless you know someone in person, you cannot advise that person.

We all have our social masks, often created in uniformity to others' to suppress fear of non-acceptance, but we are not all the same. We do not have the same interests, the same histories, the same personalities, or the same problems. Even if it looks the same from the outside, it is invariably coloured by our own perceptions and ideas.

A new awareness...

Back to my email reply. So when this man mentioned that he needed time away from his online life, how many people presumed things that may or may not true and yet were quick to offer a solution? How many of us truly listen, or act supportive, when that is what the person mentioning the problem wanted in the first place?

This email made me stop and think about the impact my words (from my first reply) might have had on him. He did reply to my email, so I can safely assume I did not insult him, talked down to him, or heaven forbid, gave him advice and made him feel inadequate or worse, made him feel like a child.

By the time of writing the first draft of this post I have not yet sent my reply, but I am going to have a look at the tone of my words because as a mature adult (and life coach) it is not my place to provide unsolicited advice. Even if asked, I am often hesitant to do so without truly understanding the extent of the need of the person asking. While it is true that they are free to ignore such advice, but why waste everyone's time, when the true need was a sympathetic ear and nothing more.

As guilty as I still am of trying to be an advice giver, I am working on being a better listener and sounding board instead. The interesting thing is that someone coming to you with a problem, often know what the answer or the solution is already. They do not need you to solve their problem; they might only need a sympathetic ear to know that their problem is not that unique or unsolvable as they first thought.

PS: If you want me to read and review your book, please ask. The worst I can do is tell you no, which I can do without being an ogre.

Wishing you health and happiness. Until next time!

Lizette

Book Review: MY FIVE YEARS WITH THE DEVIL by Wayne Rothman

Don't stay in an emotionally abusive relationship for longer than necessary

Forget about looking at emotional abuse from the outside and after-the-fact. 
My Five Years with the Devil takes you inside a long-term relationship and is written for everyone looking to escape living in a state of emotional confusion.
People are generally kind-hearted, but there is a section of the population that is evil to the core and masters at hiding this fact.
Wayne shares his first-hand experiences of being in a relationship with one of these people and helps you see why you need to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship as quickly as you can.

What you’ll learn is:

• the types of behavior to be wary of in a prospective partner
• the mental games an abuser plays to get what they want from you
• the destructive impact this kind of relationship has on your psyche
• the things to consider once you have walked away

Once you have completed reading My Five Years with the Devil, you will be able to take control of your life and live the life you were supposed to.

Buy the book on Amazon

I was asked by a friend of the author to read and review the book.

Not only is the book a genre I would not normally read, the subject matter is way out of my comfort zone. While I cannot comment on the experiences of the author, it is clear that such a relationship is filled with pain, confusion, and abuse. While I read it, it was hard not to feel sympathetic towards the victim of the situation, although I had to feel pity for the abuser as well. Circumstances and a perhaps a mental illness due to long-term substance abuse made the abuser such a difficult person to live with, that an abusive relationship could not have been avoided.

The book comes across as a rant, which could have been avoided if the author put more thought into structuring the book around the aspects of such a relationship, eg. financial, emotional, physical, etc. or another structure that could have made the read come across differently. As a book to enlighten other people that struggle with a similar situation, I can see them identifying with the author.

Although the book is not intended as a self-help guide, more research into the personality types could have added more clarity to the reader as to where the abuser's personality type fit in. The opinion of a therapist might have also been an option.

The author mentions that at the time of writing the book, he had not had any professional treatment to help him deal with the situation. Even after several years have passed since the break-up of the relationship. It gives the reader the impression that a relationship that has broken down to such a level of abuse, could be recovered from without professional help.

I am no expert, but I don't think that it can be done without professional therapy and without a more positive outcome to the ending of the book, the reader is left wondering about the continued 'negative' state of mind of the author.

The quote from the book (above) is advice from the author, and while it may be sound advice, it would be better for both the victim and the abuser to seek professional help.

My rating of three stars is based on the fact that the book was professionally edited and prepared for publication. I will not recommend it as a self-help book to someone in an abusive relationship.

Feed your mind

Finding, and holding onto, online information that will help you grow

If you are like me and like to read articles online, you will also feel overwhelmed by all the information we are bombarded with on a daily basis. You might wonder what is truly useful to focus on, and when skip those that are a waste of your time. Time is valuable and your time is invaluable to you, so you should always choose to spend it where you can gain the most benefit from the effort.

Over the years I have reduced the number of blogs I follow to about three and still find it too much sometimes. But when an article does pop into my inbox that is worth my time, I will not only read it but will also save the link, the date I found the post and makes a short summary of the content of this post. Since this information is purely for my education, enlightenment or personal growth, I often copy the words of the author into my file. These words are not mine so they will not be shared in any public forum. I do that because sometimes the authors just write it better than I can. Other times I write what I have learnt instead of just summarising the content.

I will share some of the links to those posts here from time to time, but I do recommend that you find your own "useful bloggers" list. We only retain information when we learn something and write it down in some way. If we don't, whatever we read on a daily basis becomes part of the white noise that streams through our brains, barely acknowledged and quickly forgotten.

Here is my top three of the past week - without my notes. Why no notes? Because you might learn something different to help you grow in your life. Happy reading!

https://medium.com/personal-growth/you-wont-feel-motivated-every-single-day-focus-on-this-instead-33e35a9b2f77

https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-7-essential-behaviours-of-highly-creative-people-9e30d0bd6782

https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-2-choices-everyone-working-on-themselves-is-faced-with-62476c103ae3

How Medium peeled a layer of ignorance from me today

© Nejron - ID 6277192 | Dreamstime Stock Photos

While I have posted an article or two on Medium, I find that I enjoy reading other people's contributions so much that I spent little time contributing to the site. Today I received the usual email with a list of articles that are recommended by Medium's staff or by people I follow.

One of the articles was from someone about life's choices and lessons.

It was an unusual topic to find it's way to my list of recommended reading, but since I am friends on Facebook with the person who recommended it, I decided to read it anyway. The article was about non-monogamy. The article, while an interesting read, had little impact on me from a personal, relationship perspective. However, the author used gender references that I didn't understand and had to read more about. Most of the time I blame my ignorance on the language since English is not my native language, but it was not the case here.

What was an eye-opener for me, was the extent of social prejudices people suffer because of gender identification. The new term I learnt today was gender dysphoria. I even learnt that my own gender identification has a name, and at 48 years of age, I didn't know that. Cisgender. It sounds weird, but that is as much of a weirdness to me as some of the technical terminologies I deal with might be to non-engineers I suppose.

What triggered my desire to read (aside from the article on Medium) more on the subject, was a true lack of understanding I have of some of the struggles of my fellow human beings.

I pride myself on being open-minded enough not to judge people by whatever definition they have for themselves. As a life coach in training, it is expected from me to be understanding, open-minded and non-judgmental when working with a client.

Born and raised in South Africa, racial prejudice has always been something that I was familiar with. Not agreed with, but it still is a reality for many people living in this country. What I learnt today was that my ignorance could also be a barrier to understanding another group of people that could potentially be my future clients.

I don't find it difficult to accept that I might be wrong about something, I am far from perfect. What I do find difficult to accept is that my worldview, as imperfect as it is, can be so small and ignorant about the issues that people struggle with.

In my sci-fi series, The 3rd Gender, I explored some issues around a third gender. Although in the world of my stories genetic engineering was the culprit for a lot of unhappiness. Today I learnt that the world as it now is more complicated and filled with pain than the world I created in my books.

Reading about gender dysphoria and the relationship issues that are an inherent part of our lives (irrespective of gender identity) was a true learning experience for me today.

A lesson I hope that will help me be a good life coach, but more importantly, make me a better and more understanding human being.

References consulted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria#Gender_dysphoria